This week has been really frustrating. Not gonna lie. My search for jobs has come up with a big fat nothin' and Ian's sales are... well, not so great. This is pretty typical for a "Rookie" like him; it's all part of the learning process. I don't know why we were so vain to think he'd be exempt from that, but for some reason we were. Everything I read or think about seems to lead me back to the Lord's timing and patience right now. I read a really good blog the other day written by a teacher and mentor of mine from waaaaay back in Jr High. You can read the whole post here.
She talks about her daughter, and how she's usually a pretty patient baby until she's hungry. Then her face gets red as she screams her lungs out until she's fed. She says:
It was a couple of weeks ago – during one of those 3:00 a.m. feedings – I lost my patience. She was throwing the usual fit. Screaming, crying, fists flying, red face. She was so angry that what she wanted wasn't showing up when and how she wanted it. The food was there, but she couldn't see it. I was so frustrated, that I actually tried to talk to her about it.
"Why do we have to go through this every single time? I know what you want and I know what you need and I'm standing here waiting to give it to you. In fact, it's two inches from your face and if you would just calm down and be still so you can actually breathe, you'll be able to eat and everyone will be happy!"
I thought about how often we're all like my teacher's baby. How we scream and cry have pity parties for ourselves, when what we want will be given to us if we just have a little faith in the Lord's timing.
I've realized how hard it is to keep this in the forefront of your thoughts when you're right in the middle of it. I have these incredible moments of clarity where I feel great about the situation, as unfavorable as it may be at the time, because I realize it's all leading me to a greater purpose. But, at the end of the day, when I'm tired and again coming to the realization that I've pretty much spent my time doing nothing, I regress back to the self-pitying, frustrated girl. Blah blah blah, poor me. And forget those moments, tender mercies, where I get a glimpse of the big picture.
One of my coworkers and good friends ("Work mom" as she refers to herself) from the pediatrician's office I just left, has reminded me a couple times since I've been here to "Bloom where you are planted". So, every day I'm going to make note of what I'm doing to bloom like a desert flower.
Today is going to be simple. Chores.
I definitely don't take pleasure in doing chores, but right now, my only job is to be here as a support to my husband, and he's down to his last pair of clean underwear.
So here I am... blooming. Well, sort of.
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